Dreams

I've been having these weird dreams lately, even nightmares. I think I startled myself awake from one of them a few nights ago, but I forget so easily sometimes. For this reason, I finally decided to get right up and write down my dream from last night/this morning, at least as much as I remember. Dreams are so abstract, it's often difficult to type out what I'm seeing without using the words "change in scenery."

It felt good to write about it, if only because it will not be lost in memory. It seems like I forget almost every dream the longer I wait to think about it after waking up. Even then, by the next day, it's gone. For example, I can't remember the dream I had the night before, even though I'd taken the time to think about and recount the dream. By today, it's gone. The only dreams that have stayed with me are the serious nightmares, the ones I don't want to remember, the ones that have had a profound impact on me, the ones that I usually wake from either startled, sweating, crying, or all of the above. The farthest one in my memory dates back to when I was a child--about maybe 4 or 5 years old. I'm really surprised I remember that, because I don't have many childhood memories that young. My memory has eroded so much that it sickens me. I hardly remember raising my daughter. I have only flashes of memory and pictures in my head of events. I can hardly recount a story my daughter remembers more than I do. It's also possible I blocked those younger years of my life out, the years when I was most vulnerable to the dysfunctional men in my family. But that's another story.

Anyways, I've now remembered something that I didn't want to, something I don't like thinking about. I think I'll dive into WoW and immerse myself in fantasy, so I can forget about real life for a little while. I don't want to start my day with these thoughts.